Everyday Feminism published an article about being genderqueer and some of the frequently asked questions we get asked. I recommend reading the original first. Here are my answers.
1. So Are You a Boy Or a Girl?
2. No, But What Are You Really?
ummm Genderqueer. Non-Binary. I’m AFAB (assigned female at birth) but its not an excuse to treat me as female or as a woman. It’s unrelated to my gender. I have this way of thinking, If you wouldn’t treat a guy the way you treat me don’t treat me that way. If you would call a guy ‘love’ or ‘babe’ or hug them for a really long time then you can do that with me, and I know that differs from person to person. But I catch people using gendered ways to relate to me, that seem to be excused because what they are looking at looks like a woman sometimes. Another way of doing it which I also like is using both options. Like my partner will flip back and forward between calling me handsome and pretty. So do both, or do neither.
3. But What About Biology?
I really don’t want to talk about my … biology.
4. Which Bathroom Do You Use?
Woman’s/Female. Sometimes I will use the disabled if it’s a viable option. I hate having to use the woman’s bathroom but I feel even more uncomfortable with the idea of using the men’s. Ideally I would use a neutral one.
5. Are You Gonna Get ‘The Surgery’?
Next question. They say this in the article but really, don’t ask people this. They’ll volunteer the information themselves if they are keen to talk about it.
6. ‘They’ for a Singular Person Is Grammatically Incorrect!
- No it isn’t.
- You use it all the time when you don’t know the gender of someone. Example – ‘I have a meeting with my new boss today. I haven’t met them before, I’m a bit nervous, I hope they’re friendly’.
- I don’t care, please just respect my pronoun choice.
- You are not the first person to inform me of this opinion, I have done my arguing about this. So forgive me if I’m short with you but it’s a discussion I’m done with having.
7. Why Do You Have Boobs One Day and a Flat Chest Another?
Because I own one binder (because they are expensive) and the cut doesn’t go with all the clothes I own.
Because they are very hot.
And most importantly because some days I want to have a flat chest and others I don’t.
8. Are You Dysphoric?
9. Am I Gay If I Think You’re Hot?
Well, I would say if your a man and your attracted to my male-ness or a woman and attracted to my female-ness, you might have some pansexual/bisexual feelings going on. But really , no. You can be straight and find one person of the same gender you like and still identify as straight if you want to, you just like that ONE person (same with gay people). Technically because I’m not of a gender you can be opposite to you can’t be binary and be straight/gay with me. But it’s not a term I get picky about. I’m in a relationship with a woman and sometimes we say we are lesbians and it’s not a huge issue to me. I call it a ‘queer relationship’ most of the time.
10. What Kind of Sex Do You Have?
I am very tired. And very sad.
Two women who’s content I very much enjoy have been targeted on mass in the last few days. Some terrible things have gone down in the video game industry, Anita Sarkeesian, a feminist video game critic, had to leave her home due to rape and death threats. Zoe Quinn, a game developer who made a game called ‘Depression Quest‘ about what it is like to experience depression is being discredited and ‘slut shamed’ all for things that did not actually happen. Look into there work and there games, they are talented women who don’t deserve this.
I’m going to link some articles as it is explained better than I could. I need to get this out there now while this is happening and we can use our voices and show support.
My Review of Depression Quest
Letter To A Young Male Gamer
Each New That Anita Sarkeesian Posts Is A Sign That The Bullies Are Losing
It is thought the threats to Sarkeesian may have been even more brutal currently as her most recent episode was noticed by people in the industry, including Joss Whedon. I have included her latest video.
This is possibly going to make me sound like an angry feminist but I don’t really care. I just read an article recommending 5 short sci-fi films. It linked them and gave thoughts about them. They were all pretty good films, some I did not really like the story line of but clearly a lot of effort had gone into a small budget. As I watched I got more and more annoyed until the last film really hit home the anger. Why? None of these films stared women. In fact only 2 had women in (to my memory). In one of them, a women was only in the film to be an object of desire. None of the plots of these films meant they HAD to have men staring in them. Women being represented in films is not a new problem but I always put it down to big companies not wanting to step out side there comfort zone, or using the same list of names they had always had. But these are small, indie movies, why is it not different? I think we as a society do not see women as interesting enough to hold a story. If they are the lead they must be showing strength against adversity, battling ‘weakness’, or looking for love. They can’t just ‘do stuff’ like men can. Would a woman being the lead in any of these films made a difference, no, so why not make a woman a lead then!
The last film, which was when I really got kind of angry, was about new parents, while driving franticly you see the mother has become a zombie. The infants farther carries her to a safe place … more stuff happens …. its good so I won’t spoil it. But the sterotype that women are the care givers, and nurturers is taken away here (something we would usually want) and given to a male lead so he can make a sacrifice for his daughter. This role is taken away from the mother and given to the father because apparently they can’t handle a woman being that bad ass. If we have to suffer the negative consequences of sterotyping couldn’t we at least keep them for a movie so we can do the good stuff, like save our child during a zombie apocalypse.
Don’t get me started on the implications of ‘trying to fix women to get them to love you’ in the first film … thats a whole new post.
So yeah rant over here’s the link
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