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Everyday Feminism’s Top Ten Questions About Being Genderqueer … My Answers!

Everyday Feminism published an article about being genderqueer and some of the frequently asked questions we get asked. I recommend reading the original first. Here are my answers.

1. So Are You a Boy Or a Girl?

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2. No, But What Are You Really?

ummm Genderqueer. Non-Binary. I’m AFAB (assigned female at birth) but its not an excuse to treat me as female or as a woman. It’s unrelated to my gender. I have this way of thinking, If you wouldn’t treat a guy the way you treat me don’t treat me that way. If you would call a guy ‘love’ or ‘babe’ or hug them for a really long time then you can do that with me, and I know that differs from person to person. But I catch people using gendered ways to relate to me, that seem to be excused because what they are looking at looks like a woman sometimes. Another way of doing it which I also like is using both options. Like my partner will flip back and forward between calling me handsome and pretty. So do both, or do neither.

3. But What About Biology?

I really don’t want to talk about my … biology.

4. Which Bathroom Do You Use?

Woman’s/Female. Sometimes I will use the disabled if it’s a viable option. I hate having to use the woman’s bathroom but I feel even more uncomfortable with the idea of using the men’s. Ideally I would use a neutral one.

5. Are You Gonna Get ‘The Surgery’?

Next question. They say this in the article but really, don’t ask people this. They’ll volunteer the information themselves if they are keen to talk about it.

6. ‘They’ for a Singular Person Is Grammatically Incorrect!

  1. No it isn’t.
  2. You use it all the time when you don’t know the gender of someone. Example – ‘I have a meeting with my new boss today. I haven’t met them before, I’m a bit nervous, I hope they’re friendly’.
  3. I don’t care, please just respect my pronoun choice.
  4. You are not the first person to inform me of this opinion, I have done my arguing about this. So forgive me if I’m short with you but it’s a discussion I’m done with having.

7. Why Do You Have Boobs One Day and a Flat Chest Another?

Because I own one binder (because they are expensive) and the cut doesn’t go with all the clothes I own.

Because they are very hot.

And most importantly because some days I want to have a flat chest and others I don’t.

8. Are You Dysphoric?

Yes.

9. Am I Gay If I Think You’re Hot?

Well, I would say if your a man and your attracted to my male-ness or a woman and attracted to my female-ness, you might have some pansexual/bisexual feelings going on. But really , no. You can be straight and find one person of the same gender you like and still identify as straight if you want to, you just like that ONE person (same with gay people). Technically because I’m not of a gender you can be opposite to you can’t be binary and be straight/gay with me. But it’s not a term I get picky about. I’m in a relationship with a woman and sometimes we say we are lesbians and it’s not a huge issue to me. I call it a ‘queer relationship’ most of the time.

10. What Kind of Sex Do You Have?

Sexy sex.

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Abuse, threats and harassments, because of video games. Please Read.

I am very tired. And very sad.

Two women who’s content I very much enjoy have been targeted on mass in the last few days. Some terrible things have gone down in the video game industry, Anita Sarkeesian, a feminist video game critic, had to leave her home due to rape and death threats. Zoe Quinn, a game developer who made a game called ‘Depression Quest‘ about what it is like to experience depression is being discredited and ‘slut shamed’ all for things that did not actually happen. Look into there work and there games, they are talented women who don’t deserve this.

I’m going to link some articles as it is explained better than I could. I need to get this out there now while this is happening and we can use our voices and show support.

My Review of Depression Quest

Part 1

Part 2

Letter To A Young Male Gamer

Each New That Anita Sarkeesian Posts Is A Sign That The Bullies Are Losing

It is thought the threats to Sarkeesian may have been even more brutal currently as her most recent episode was noticed by people in the industry, including Joss Whedon. I have included her latest video.

 

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Angry Feministing About Movies and Stuff

This is possibly going to make me sound like an angry feminist but I don’t really care. I just read an article recommending 5 short sci-fi films. It linked them and gave thoughts about them. They were all pretty good films, some I did not really like the story line of but clearly a lot of effort had gone into a small budget. As I watched I got more and more annoyed until the last film really hit home the anger. Why? None of these films stared women. In fact only 2 had women in (to my memory). In one of them, a women was only in the film to be an object of desire. None of the plots of these films meant they HAD to have men staring in them. Women being represented in films is not a new problem but I always put it down to big companies not wanting to step out side there comfort zone, or using the same list of names they had always had. But these are small, indie movies, why is it not different? I think we as a society do not see women as interesting enough to hold a story. If they are the lead they must be showing strength against adversity, battling ‘weakness’, or looking for love. They can’t just ‘do stuff’ like men can. Would a woman being the lead in any of these films made a difference, no, so why not make a woman a lead then!

The last film, which was when I really got kind of angry, was about new parents, while driving franticly you see the mother has become a zombie. The infants farther carries her to a safe place … more stuff happens …. its good so I won’t spoil it. But the sterotype that women are the care givers, and nurturers is taken away here (something we would usually want) and given to a male lead so he can make a sacrifice for his daughter. This role is taken away from the mother and given to the father because apparently they can’t handle a woman being that bad ass. If we have to suffer the negative consequences of sterotyping couldn’t we at least keep them for a movie so we can do the good stuff, like save our child during a zombie apocalypse.

Don’t get me started on the implications of ‘trying to fix women to get them to love you’ in the first film … thats a whole new post.

So yeah rant over here’s the link 

If you want tumblr feminist things look here (I could do with some more friends over there it’s lonely)

If you want word press feminist things follow my other blog, it’s going to have music and videos and rainbows (maybe only the first two)

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My new feminist blog

Have a look at my new feminist blog I AM A FEMINIST.

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It showcases my feminist projects, and in the future will hosts others as well. It includes information and graphics about FGM and an online art book.

Coming up will be videos about misconceptions of feminism and a ‘I need feminism because’ campaign.

If you would like your work showcased on this site please contact me via the contact page.

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Youtube conversation about feminism part 2 – (In which I become the closest I ever have to being rude to someone online)

 Previous youtube conversation continued, what an actually feminist says about feminism. I tried to be as patient, rational and civil as I could. 

person 1 – Ok answer this if they don’t believe in being above men and they want total equality why do they only mention the issues that “favour men” and none ever mention issues that favour women such as women getting lesser sentences than men for the same crimes, women having a higher chance of getting custody of children, women being able to go into some night clubs for free, women getting wined and dined by men. I could go on 

me – ok this is really the last time I am going to say this. Feminism can, depending on who you are talking to and what kind of activism they focus on, primarily focus on issues to do with the oppression of women, as feminism can focus on women, not much does and this is something important that does. However, an example of feminism fighting something that actually shows women in a negative light can be given in this example. I was watching a video of what would you do (you can find it on youtube) a man getting angry and physical with his girlfriend in a park, many people stopped to protect her. The reverse people did not stop or cheered assuming the guy deserved it. This is due to the perception of gender projected by society. If women were not seen as weak, and violence and abuse from them would be seen as just as much as a threat as it would be from men, and this sort of thing would not happen. Feminisim wants to break down gender roles and stop women being seen as weak. If this happened women abusing men would be taken more seriously, as it should. I really can’t stress anymore what this movement is about and I don’t want to spend anymore time on it as it is research you could easily do yourself. 

Person 1 – Women are not seen as weak, they are weak compared to men that is. Just accept that and move on. A guy is more likely to inflict pain or knock another guy out than a woman is likely to do it to a man. So yes women are weak. You feminists just wish you could be as strong as men don’t you, well sorry nothing you do about that 

me – you really can’t have it both ways. while women don’t have the same physical strength of course they have the same capacity to harm and abuse men, which should be stopped and would be helped by female violence not being diminished, which is down to gender roles. I’m unfollowing this discussion now, because as fun as debate and trying to inform people is , and trying to see another point of view, your not trying to understand what i’m saying, not trying to research any of it or debate it with actual fact as opposed to opinions. I hope that you are a young man, because as you grow you will learn more about women and have more women impact your life, and maybe listen to older men who support the women in there lives. If you are an older man who isn’t intellectual enough to consider the thoughts and realities of a very large movement and accept there are injustices to women with out ALWAYS having to hit back saying ‘but men have …’ then i’m afraid its probably to late to change your views, which as the world changes will end up with you being that person who says  something inappropriate at a party and no one knowing what to say or wanting to invite you back. 

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Youtube Conversations about Feminism (I appear to have got another person to stop saying ‘feminazi’)

So I watched this video and replied to a comment. Its so time consuming. It feels like having a conversation with someone who forgot what you just said. Many people arguing with feminism online seem to miss the point completely and it so exhausting, especially being that its all over typing (as i find it easier to explain things if I speak them). Its so hard to explain why you should not call a woman a girl online (something I faced in another comment). This woman was in her early 30’s and someone called her a girl.  I said would they call a man that age a boy? They didn’t see why they should not call her a girl. I said it was not recognising her as a mature adult woman. What it is doing is conjuring up an image of a young girl, or a girly girl. There is nothing wrong with these things, but she was not one of them. I still can’t explain it. How would you feel in your early 30’s and someone called you a girl/boy?

so on to the convo

person 1-

typical feminazi talking about how women are seen as nothing but sex objects. What about men being seen as nothing but protectors and providers for women. When a woman hears a noise downstairs who does she make go check it without any regard for weather or not there is an intruder that could potentially kill that man. If a woman was being attack by a man on the street that was about to kill her and an obviously smaller, weaker man sees it but does nothing for fear for his life there will be an outrage, people will call him a coward and every name in the book but have the genders reversed and the woman doesn’t get any outrage. In fact she might even get called brave and have people feel sorry for her. Society would rather a man dies trying to save a woman than him saving himself. And then there’s the whole who pays for dates thing well men are providers so they should it. There was a story about a woman that wanted to save money so instead of sorting out her own dinner everyday she made a dating profile and everyday went on a new date and didn’t pay a thing and she wasn’t interested in any of the men she went on the dates with but at the end of it she had managed to get $1200 worth of free dinner were was the outrage about that

me – 1. This is a feminism blog so although of course men get objectified this is about women, so will focus on women. Feminism cares about men’s issue, but being about women has every right to focus on women’s issues. Men being seen as protecters and providers for women is a sexist attitude that focuses on gender roles. If we change the gender roles of women from NEEDING to be provided for and protected, the effect of this will be that men’s are also changed.
2.It pretty crappy when no one does anything to help others in need. Laura bates talks about a whole bus full of people ignoring her being groped and not stepping in to help.
3. ‘Who pays for the date thing’ sexist, we need to get rid of it, and people should only pay if they want to not based on gender.
4. ‘There was a story’. I rest my case. Story. There are plenty of antidotes out there about ‘Lads’ using women for sex. I made the mistake of watching a channel 4 program about students. They followed one guy around who was desperate to pull at a club and have sex. The women in the video they focused on their emotion relationships.
5. Feminazi is a derogatory term and it is asked that you do not use it. Your not going to win any friends, enter into a respectful argument, or earn respect of your opinions by feminists (the audience you are trying to communicate with) by using that word.
Just as a note that I add to any comment I post discussing controversial topics, I don’t respond to people who personally attack me or are verbally abusive. Not assuming anyone will be, just putting out there to let people know that is not a way to get a rise out of me.

person 1 – 1. This is why feminism will never get anywhere because you claim to care about men’s issues and that you are about equal rights for everyone but then again you only care about women’s issues. The issues that you point out aren’t even real issues. If you actually cared about the real issues women in other countries faced then you would have a solid argument because women in other other countries are treated horribly. Western women are the most privileged people on the planet. What’s worse: Western women thinking that guys only want them for sex or Women in saudi arabia not being allowed to leave the house without a man with them, not being allowed to to vote or stand in any political elections. But which argument out of the two do you hear the most coming out of the mouths of feminists?
2.If a man was the one being groped by a woman would you or Laura bates stand up for him. Honestly? Also if it was a man being groped and he showed that he didn’t like most people including women would call him names like gay, wussy etc.
3.I have only heard 1 feminist say that women should pay for their share of a date. 1 out of god knows how many. Feminists as a whole don’t care about this issue because it favours women. You would think more would try to make the argument that states that women are capable of paying for their own staff on a date but no.
4. Some men only want women for sex and some women only want men for their money, whats your point? Also women are just as capable of being as vile as men in that department. Example the case of that guy in jail with the mugshot that most women thought was attractive some of the comments were just as disgusting or even worse than those of men. And there was interview with the guy that has the biggest penis in the world and he was saying how every woman that he dated actually said to him they were only with him because they wanted to see what it would be like to have sex with him, whilst he was in it to find love, i could go on. So women are just as bad in that department
5. I will however apologise for using the term feminazi and i can assure i didn’t use the word to try and get brownie points from anyone

me – ok it seems you just fundemtally don’t agree with any reason for feminism to exist, which may be due to your out look on life or due to what you perceive feminism to be. The treatment of women around the world is of course, part of feminism. I personally focus on western feminism because I have more power for direct change in this area. No struggle should be considered less important even if its not as bad in terms of fall out and damage. Yes some attitudes towards women are far more damaging than others and need to be dealt urgently and on a larger scale. But thats no reason not to focus on smaller issues with less dangerous or damaging consequences as well. I think I’m correct in assuming you are not part of the feminist community, so I’m not sure if you are best to judge what we are or are not doing. Look up one Billion Rising, for example, a fantastic movement uniting women around the world and dealing with a vary of issues.
I’m not one to speak for someone else, to say ‘all women, men, people’. I can only say I would never tolerate assault of any kind to anyone. Even if its not safe to step in, I would call the police. I have been both physically assaulted and groped and no one helped, and i’m not letting others be in that position. In fact when I think about it I have already stepped in a few times when these things have happened to others.

This isn’t a case of women are perfect who don’t treat men badly. It happens, it happens all the time. Feminism is not saying that. It can however say that women are the primary targets of domestic violence, rape, sexual objectification and want to change that. I actually ran a feminist even recently and when talking about what feminism was I said it was about achieving equal rights and better  treatment of women. By looking at women’s issues and changing them, we also change other issues.

For example, objectification, if we fight the objectification of women, we send out the message it is not ok to objectify anyone, and the objectification of men would stop. We focus on women because, yes, feminism is about women and there is nothing wrong with that. Its not about saying women are great, or better, or perfect. Its about improving women’s lives. By doing that we improve the lives of people of all genders (like in the example above).

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You may have also noticed, and something I find particularly annoying about talking about feminism on youtube is that the comment had little to do with her point and just attacked feminism as a movement. If someone makes an video about a feminist issue the issue is often not discussed and instead a conversation question the need for feminism, or the unfairness of it in sues.