A poem in which I consider going back on medication

Another sleepless night.

now is the time

for staying up late,

of thinking in rhymes.

of thinking of tunes

and picking up the guitar.

of looking down and seeing scars

I watch my self

a year ago ,

that girl is someone I hardly know.

To think a few months after

the video was made

I’d find a day when carrying on

was no way to go about things.

and that I would see the end so clearly

in my mind I wrote a will and sat and cried.

In that person

I see more life than there is in me now

I remember the prescriptions I tried out.

And I realise I have had my rebellious time,

of saying I don’t need chemical help,

that I’m in control of my mind.

But if thats who I was

so passionate and lively

when my world was dismantling around me.

And now everything is fixed and still,

while I ignore that i’m ill.

I need that again,

to go back to medical school.

I need the drugs to teach me

that i’m not all I can be

and with there help I can

I can go back to sleep.

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