Another sleepless night.
now is the time
for staying up late,
of thinking in rhymes.
of thinking of tunes
and picking up the guitar.
of looking down and seeing scars
I watch my self
a year ago ,
that girl is someone I hardly know.
To think a few months after
the video was made
I’d find a day when carrying on
was no way to go about things.
and that I would see the end so clearly
in my mind I wrote a will and sat and cried.
In that person
I see more life than there is in me now
I remember the prescriptions I tried out.
And I realise I have had my rebellious time,
of saying I don’t need chemical help,
that I’m in control of my mind.
But if thats who I was
so passionate and lively
when my world was dismantling around me.
And now everything is fixed and still,
while I ignore that i’m ill.
I need that again,
to go back to medical school.
I need the drugs to teach me
that i’m not all I can be
and with there help I can
I can go back to sleep.