No one said it ever.

No one said it ever..

From the wonderful dustpiggies.com



A poem in which I consider going back on medication

Another sleepless night.

now is the time

for staying up late,

of thinking in rhymes.

of thinking of tunes

and picking up the guitar.

of looking down and seeing scars

I watch my self

a year ago ,

that girl is someone I hardly know.

To think a few months after

the video was made

I’d find a day when carrying on

was no way to go about things.

and that I would see the end so clearly

in my mind I wrote a will and sat and cried.

In that person

I see more life than there is in me now

I remember the prescriptions I tried out.

And I realise I have had my rebellious time,

of saying I don’t need chemical help,

that I’m in control of my mind.

But if thats who I was

so passionate and lively

when my world was dismantling around me.

And now everything is fixed and still,

while I ignore that i’m ill.

I need that again,

to go back to medical school.

I need the drugs to teach me

that i’m not all I can be

and with there help I can

I can go back to sleep.


Youtube conversation about feminism part 2 – (In which I become the closest I ever have to being rude to someone online)

 Previous youtube conversation continued, what an actually feminist says about feminism. I tried to be as patient, rational and civil as I could. 

person 1 – Ok answer this if they don’t believe in being above men and they want total equality why do they only mention the issues that “favour men” and none ever mention issues that favour women such as women getting lesser sentences than men for the same crimes, women having a higher chance of getting custody of children, women being able to go into some night clubs for free, women getting wined and dined by men. I could go on 

me – ok this is really the last time I am going to say this. Feminism can, depending on who you are talking to and what kind of activism they focus on, primarily focus on issues to do with the oppression of women, as feminism can focus on women, not much does and this is something important that does. However, an example of feminism fighting something that actually shows women in a negative light can be given in this example. I was watching a video of what would you do (you can find it on youtube) a man getting angry and physical with his girlfriend in a park, many people stopped to protect her. The reverse people did not stop or cheered assuming the guy deserved it. This is due to the perception of gender projected by society. If women were not seen as weak, and violence and abuse from them would be seen as just as much as a threat as it would be from men, and this sort of thing would not happen. Feminisim wants to break down gender roles and stop women being seen as weak. If this happened women abusing men would be taken more seriously, as it should. I really can’t stress anymore what this movement is about and I don’t want to spend anymore time on it as it is research you could easily do yourself. 

Person 1 – Women are not seen as weak, they are weak compared to men that is. Just accept that and move on. A guy is more likely to inflict pain or knock another guy out than a woman is likely to do it to a man. So yes women are weak. You feminists just wish you could be as strong as men don’t you, well sorry nothing you do about that 

me – you really can’t have it both ways. while women don’t have the same physical strength of course they have the same capacity to harm and abuse men, which should be stopped and would be helped by female violence not being diminished, which is down to gender roles. I’m unfollowing this discussion now, because as fun as debate and trying to inform people is , and trying to see another point of view, your not trying to understand what i’m saying, not trying to research any of it or debate it with actual fact as opposed to opinions. I hope that you are a young man, because as you grow you will learn more about women and have more women impact your life, and maybe listen to older men who support the women in there lives. If you are an older man who isn’t intellectual enough to consider the thoughts and realities of a very large movement and accept there are injustices to women with out ALWAYS having to hit back saying ‘but men have …’ then i’m afraid its probably to late to change your views, which as the world changes will end up with you being that person who says  something inappropriate at a party and no one knowing what to say or wanting to invite you back. 


Youtube Conversations about Feminism (I appear to have got another person to stop saying ‘feminazi’)

So I watched this video and replied to a comment. Its so time consuming. It feels like having a conversation with someone who forgot what you just said. Many people arguing with feminism online seem to miss the point completely and it so exhausting, especially being that its all over typing (as i find it easier to explain things if I speak them). Its so hard to explain why you should not call a woman a girl online (something I faced in another comment). This woman was in her early 30’s and someone called her a girl.  I said would they call a man that age a boy? They didn’t see why they should not call her a girl. I said it was not recognising her as a mature adult woman. What it is doing is conjuring up an image of a young girl, or a girly girl. There is nothing wrong with these things, but she was not one of them. I still can’t explain it. How would you feel in your early 30’s and someone called you a girl/boy?

so on to the convo

person 1-

typical feminazi talking about how women are seen as nothing but sex objects. What about men being seen as nothing but protectors and providers for women. When a woman hears a noise downstairs who does she make go check it without any regard for weather or not there is an intruder that could potentially kill that man. If a woman was being attack by a man on the street that was about to kill her and an obviously smaller, weaker man sees it but does nothing for fear for his life there will be an outrage, people will call him a coward and every name in the book but have the genders reversed and the woman doesn’t get any outrage. In fact she might even get called brave and have people feel sorry for her. Society would rather a man dies trying to save a woman than him saving himself. And then there’s the whole who pays for dates thing well men are providers so they should it. There was a story about a woman that wanted to save money so instead of sorting out her own dinner everyday she made a dating profile and everyday went on a new date and didn’t pay a thing and she wasn’t interested in any of the men she went on the dates with but at the end of it she had managed to get $1200 worth of free dinner were was the outrage about that

me – 1. This is a feminism blog so although of course men get objectified this is about women, so will focus on women. Feminism cares about men’s issue, but being about women has every right to focus on women’s issues. Men being seen as protecters and providers for women is a sexist attitude that focuses on gender roles. If we change the gender roles of women from NEEDING to be provided for and protected, the effect of this will be that men’s are also changed.
2.It pretty crappy when no one does anything to help others in need. Laura bates talks about a whole bus full of people ignoring her being groped and not stepping in to help.
3. ‘Who pays for the date thing’ sexist, we need to get rid of it, and people should only pay if they want to not based on gender.
4. ‘There was a story’. I rest my case. Story. There are plenty of antidotes out there about ‘Lads’ using women for sex. I made the mistake of watching a channel 4 program about students. They followed one guy around who was desperate to pull at a club and have sex. The women in the video they focused on their emotion relationships.
5. Feminazi is a derogatory term and it is asked that you do not use it. Your not going to win any friends, enter into a respectful argument, or earn respect of your opinions by feminists (the audience you are trying to communicate with) by using that word.
Just as a note that I add to any comment I post discussing controversial topics, I don’t respond to people who personally attack me or are verbally abusive. Not assuming anyone will be, just putting out there to let people know that is not a way to get a rise out of me.

person 1 – 1. This is why feminism will never get anywhere because you claim to care about men’s issues and that you are about equal rights for everyone but then again you only care about women’s issues. The issues that you point out aren’t even real issues. If you actually cared about the real issues women in other countries faced then you would have a solid argument because women in other other countries are treated horribly. Western women are the most privileged people on the planet. What’s worse: Western women thinking that guys only want them for sex or Women in saudi arabia not being allowed to leave the house without a man with them, not being allowed to to vote or stand in any political elections. But which argument out of the two do you hear the most coming out of the mouths of feminists?
2.If a man was the one being groped by a woman would you or Laura bates stand up for him. Honestly? Also if it was a man being groped and he showed that he didn’t like most people including women would call him names like gay, wussy etc.
3.I have only heard 1 feminist say that women should pay for their share of a date. 1 out of god knows how many. Feminists as a whole don’t care about this issue because it favours women. You would think more would try to make the argument that states that women are capable of paying for their own staff on a date but no.
4. Some men only want women for sex and some women only want men for their money, whats your point? Also women are just as capable of being as vile as men in that department. Example the case of that guy in jail with the mugshot that most women thought was attractive some of the comments were just as disgusting or even worse than those of men. And there was interview with the guy that has the biggest penis in the world and he was saying how every woman that he dated actually said to him they were only with him because they wanted to see what it would be like to have sex with him, whilst he was in it to find love, i could go on. So women are just as bad in that department
5. I will however apologise for using the term feminazi and i can assure i didn’t use the word to try and get brownie points from anyone

me – ok it seems you just fundemtally don’t agree with any reason for feminism to exist, which may be due to your out look on life or due to what you perceive feminism to be. The treatment of women around the world is of course, part of feminism. I personally focus on western feminism because I have more power for direct change in this area. No struggle should be considered less important even if its not as bad in terms of fall out and damage. Yes some attitudes towards women are far more damaging than others and need to be dealt urgently and on a larger scale. But thats no reason not to focus on smaller issues with less dangerous or damaging consequences as well. I think I’m correct in assuming you are not part of the feminist community, so I’m not sure if you are best to judge what we are or are not doing. Look up one Billion Rising, for example, a fantastic movement uniting women around the world and dealing with a vary of issues.
I’m not one to speak for someone else, to say ‘all women, men, people’. I can only say I would never tolerate assault of any kind to anyone. Even if its not safe to step in, I would call the police. I have been both physically assaulted and groped and no one helped, and i’m not letting others be in that position. In fact when I think about it I have already stepped in a few times when these things have happened to others.

This isn’t a case of women are perfect who don’t treat men badly. It happens, it happens all the time. Feminism is not saying that. It can however say that women are the primary targets of domestic violence, rape, sexual objectification and want to change that. I actually ran a feminist even recently and when talking about what feminism was I said it was about achieving equal rights and better  treatment of women. By looking at women’s issues and changing them, we also change other issues.

For example, objectification, if we fight the objectification of women, we send out the message it is not ok to objectify anyone, and the objectification of men would stop. We focus on women because, yes, feminism is about women and there is nothing wrong with that. Its not about saying women are great, or better, or perfect. Its about improving women’s lives. By doing that we improve the lives of people of all genders (like in the example above).


You may have also noticed, and something I find particularly annoying about talking about feminism on youtube is that the comment had little to do with her point and just attacked feminism as a movement. If someone makes an video about a feminist issue the issue is often not discussed and instead a conversation question the need for feminism, or the unfairness of it in sues.


My first ASMR Video

Hi there

So I have mentioned ASMR in the past, if you are not sure what it is I explain it in THIS blog. This video looks at Harry Potter merchandise and has a reading from Tales of Beadle The Bard. I have identified things I can improve.

– I talk and tap on objects to fast

– I need to spend longer on objects and cram less into one video
– I need better lighting
– I need to say ‘er’ less.
– I say the same words often.

I have ideas for 3 more videos. A relaxing whispered let’s play of the game Proteus (you walk through colourful meadows), another Tales of Beadle The Bard reading with a few more Harry Potter products and Cat Reacts To ASMR. This will be me producing ASMR triggers by my cat and seeing what he thinks of them, he also purrs very loudly which I think will add to it. I have tested it out and his reactions are great.

I hope you enjoy my video and that you follow future videos.