Todays food was pretty much chickpea cakes and pasta. Lots of pasta, which is apparently fine. I don’t buy it. I’m not doing this to lose weight but I really would prefer not to gain any and having a rather large plate of pasta for dinner doesn’t seem the way to go about it.
Due to me drinking what apparently measures up to be an entire bottle of wine yesterday, I took it easy with the booze just having a beer, and that was only because I got bit of a shock.
Maybe in time, if i’m convinced no one who know me reads this, I may explain some specifics of a few things that have happened to me. Most likely I will have to start a another blog that is totally anonymous. I can’t go into the context of this to much, but I got an email from someone who I had a complicated relationship with when I was going through a phase of being depressed and almost always drunk. I became a bit better and then realised this person was not a good person to be around and cut all ties. They have tried to get in contact with me and I ignored all attempts. So what do you do when you haven’t spoken to someone for months and they have been ignoring your calls? You email them.
I saw it while I was on the phone to student finance and felt sick. I made myself open the email and read it, to my surprise it was kind of ok. I didn’t really understand everything they said but it was clearly something they felt they needed to get of their chest. I emailed back with my best wishes and clearing up a few thing on my end (such as me not picking up his phone calls due to being contacted by someone who has caused me anxiety out of the blue, by a method as directing as calling them, isn’t good).
I have a few people in my life who never had the decency to give me closure, and I could do that for this person easily with just a quick email. So I decided to. They seem a bit more stable now as well, and I’ve said I’m happy to stay in contact via email.
I know I didn’t owe this person anything, and those who didn’t offer me closure didn’t owe me anything. But it caused me a great deal of pain and I think if I could stop anyone else going through that I would. I wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone. It was physical. I remember a phone call I made during one instance where an ex partner stopped talking to me (which would turn out to be his method of break-up), and I left a voice mail. I sounded ill, my voice sounded tired and hopeless. I think I decided while I left the message that would be my last one, and I said so in the message, and it was. He wouldn’t even text me his postcode so I could send him back his stuff. Fuck it, I got a Battlestar Galactica box set out of it.
Here’s a song, I listened to it a lot during a similar relationship screw up.